Friday, June 12, 2009

Life is short. Why can't my order be, too?

A grande sauteed farm-laid latte. The Toffee Coffee Flippy Floppy. Pacific Ocean-fresh slowly euthanized lettuce wedge. Soy joy toy taffy bar. As someone who works in advertising, I love discovering new ways to say the same old thing. But come on. I can't even remember my own order anymore at Starbucks. This is just getting to be too much. Remember water? That didn't require four more answers afterwards? (Bottled or tap? Sparkling or plain? With lemon? Ice or no?)

Yes, I realize I sound like I'm 100 years old. But that's because at this rate, when I actually am 100, there won't be a chance in hell of me being able to order any kind of food or beverage anymore. And that scares me.

Even my favorite old-school restaurant that swore by its dated posters and paper chef hats that it would never change, Steak n Shake, has given in. Oh, sure, they keep the vintage look, but they've tarted it up with "side by side" milkshakes that mix and match like 62 flavors or something. By the time I've decided, my head hurts and the only shake in my future is me physically assaulting the poor waitress for making lunch so difficult. Are we really so unhappy that we won't stand for a shake with one flavor anymore?

Let me just say next that I appreciate the effort it takes to convince someone that the chef's special is indeed something extraordinary. But there's just no need to take simple ingredients and make them less memorable because you're bored with your vocabulary.

Now someone, please help me remember how to order a glass of wine. I need one right now.

1 comment:

  1. I love watching the poor Starbucks coffee person's face when I go, "Medium coffee. Cream".

    "You mean a venti?"

    "Are there 3 sizes? I want the middle one."